Author Archives: Rabbi

The Ten Lessons

THE TEN LESSONS

    Numerous people have requested that I re-print part of my Shabbat HaGadol Drasha that dealt with “Pesach and Children,” and especially the ten parenting lessons that we can derive from the seder.  A fuller exposition is in preparation (long, slow preparation), but I offer this extract in order, I hope, to enhance the seder, the experience of Pesach and the bonds of generations.

Obviously, the essential mitzvah of the night – relating the events of the Exodus from Egypt 3334 years – focuses on our redemption from that house of bondage through G-d’s miracles and wonders, our designation as the Chosen People that led us to receive His Torah at Sinai and to residence in His holy land of Israel. That is primary; beyond that, there are ten lessons for us to ponder as this awesome holiday arrives.

1)      The seder is about roles, and life has roles. The roles need not be absolutely fixed, but they need to exist and we blur them at our peril: mother, father, husband, wife, grandfather, grandmother, child, grandchild, guest, friend, the “master of the seder,” the questioner, etc. There is a hierarchy in life, and that hierarchy is apparent at the seder, and when we attempt to transpose the roles in society, we cause damage to the framework. To understand roles is important, because without roles there can be no role models.

2)      The seder, with its dialogue, discussion, bridging of generations and the shared experience of holiness can be life-transforming – because parents are there, present and accounted for. That is not always true in many families today, in which children often see a foreign caretaker more than their parents. On Pesach, there is no Abba shel Shabbat or Ima shel Shabbat. The benefits of parents and children eating together are inestimable. Even the average Shabbat has become so busy that it is no longer a day of rest. The seder reminds us of that obligation, and that paradise.

3)      The Jewish home is magically transformed on Pesach – everything is new or different, and the home itself glows. It has a majesty that is hard to muster the rest of the year. For all the joys of the hotel, for a child never to experience a Pesach at home is deprivation. On Pesach, our homes are more insulated from outside influences that at any other time during the year. W should appreciate that.

4)      At the beginning of the seder, we announce “all who are hungry, let them come and eat.” We may be in our castle, but to truly experience G-d’s blessings we must see beyond ourselves.

5)      Every child needs a teacher, and the primary teachers in a child’s life are his/her parents. Education generally must be more than merely memorizing certain facts and rituals, and parents are indispensable in transmitting not necessarily facts but certainly experiences, memories, passion, enthusiasm, depth, and substance. However much we spend on education – and we spend a lot – we can never move too far afield from having primary responsibility for educating our children so they speak of lofty things in the home and on the road, day and night.

6)      Each child is different and unique, and so no child should be forced into a mold. There are four models of children in the passage of the “Four Children,” but as the variant texts in the Hagada, the Mechilta and the Yerushalmi – and the very verses in the Torah – all make clear, there is no rigid formula for parenting. The same answer cannot be given to every child, if only because no two children ever ask the same question. The Torah offers us guidelines – but never inflexible formulas. Therefore the dialogue of parent and child must be spontaneous, not formulaic; natural, not contrived. And the most important point that a parent can convey to a Jewish child is that he is a prince and she is a princess, members of a royal people who are expected to behave like royalty (at least the way we like to assume that royalty of old behaved).

7)      Life is all about details, and so the seder is therefore filled with details. Knowing one’s child means accumulating an incredible number of minute details and assembling a portrait of where he/she is in life, what his/her needs are, and how best he/she can be directed to the goal. If we don’t make the effort, then we run the risk of treating every child the same, which as sensible as putting every child in the same size suit regardless of their individual dimensions.

8)      Our aspirations in life are not – should not be – material acquisitions, honor or social standing. Our aspirations in life should be character, integrity, values, ideals, redemption, and the pursuit of Torah and Mitzvot.

9)      The seder is all about delayed gratification (we wait… for the meal, for the Afikoman, etc.), and the demand for instant gratification is destroying children, families, society, and American life as we know it. There is no greater metric of successful parenting than how much children have developed self-control. Pesach, and especially the seder, teach us self-control, about learning how to wait, and about how to enjoy life while waiting.

10)        Redemption, too, is a lesson in patience, like the morning star that is briefly seen over the horizon and then fades, only to soon appear in all its glory. The Jewish people live in the present, but we are never weighed down by the present. We are never weighed down by the present because we are a people of history – of eternity – and because we are future-oriented. We have a deep and abiding faith, nurtured by the seder and the historic reality of “in every generation they rise against us to destroy us” that the future will progress as prophesied, and all the complications and obstacles that we fear will dissipate, that “the Holy One, Blessed be He, will save us from their hands,” from Iran’s bombs, from the rising Jew hatred across the globe, and even from “friends” who would love us to death.

We are an eternally hopeful people, and our children are the very foundation of that hope.

There is much more that was said and that could be said. For now, may we fully grasp the divine trust of children that has been given to us and raise them for the glory of G-d and the sublime destiny of the Jewish people. And together may we soon walk as families and ascend

G-d’s great mountain in His rebuilt city and Temple.

A Happy and Kosher Pesach to all !

Rabbi Steven Pruzansky

AGUNA UPDATE

Please be advised that the miscreant previously addressed in this space(https://rabbipruzansky.com/2012/02/28/sad-tragic-insane/) can now be identified as (name deleted) of (deleted), Florida. He has most recently been located as living, despite his relative youth,  with one (deleted).

A seruv for refusing to give his wife a Get after being so directed by Bet Din was issued by the Beth Din of America, and signed by HaRav Gedalia Dov Schwartz on March 29, 2012. (Deleted) is now in violation of the seruv and is thus continuing to tpersecute and abuse his wife. Any social pressure – known as the harchakot of Rabbenu Tam – that can be applied to convince (Deleted) to do the right thing and give his wife a Get would be most welcome and a virtuous act. (Deleted) harbors the delusion that his ex-wife (they are already divorced civilly) really, secretly, wants him back. Anyone who can disabuse him of this madness would be doing a great Mitzva. It is unfathomable, but there have been a number of small congregations in South Florida that have in the past hired (Deleted) as their rabbi/baal koreh. He has been fired from some of these positions, but it is wholly inappropriate, a grave violation of Jewish law and an absolute farce for any congregation to allow this (Deleted)to read the Torah for them or to in any way function as a “rabbi.”

As anticipated, (Deleted) has again commenced a campaign of slander and vilification against me. He has attempted as well to intimidate the other dayanim, and also to find rabbis who in their contempt for women will rationalize his repugnant behavior. I laugh at his attempts, and I – in the name of the Bet Din – urge him to give his wife a Get as directed, do the right thing, move on with his life, behave as a decent Jew to his ex-wife and his children, and contribute something meaningful to society. All these attacks on me and others will be worthwhile on the day that (Deleted) frees his wife from the torment to which he has subjected her for several years.

May Hashem bless all those who can help unchain this aguna.

-RSP

Pesach: An End to Victimhood

(First published as on Op-ed in the Jewish Press, March 28, 2012)

The Midrash (Shmot Raba 18:12) describes “leil shimurim”, the “night of watching,” the night before the redemption, as one of the glorious nights in Jewish history. Not only did we eat the Korban Pesach, have the first seder and prepare to depart the land of Egypt, but also it later became the night that Chizkiyahu, Chanania, Mishael, Azaria, Daniel and others were saved – and the night on which “Moshiach and Eliyahu mitgadlin,”on which they are elevated, become great – or according to another text, the night they are mitgalim – revealed. But what does it mean that on these days they are magnified or revealed?

It is not as if they actually appear. The Gemara says in Eruvin 43a that if a person vows to become a Nazir on whatever day Moshiach comes, then he is allowed to drink wine on every Shabbat and Yom Tov because Moshiach obviously does not come on those days. Furthermore, “we have been promised that Moshiach will not come on the eve of Shabbat or Yom Tov either, because of the inconvenience” – people are busy preparing for those holy days! So how then are Moshaich and Eliyahu exalted or revealed at the seder if they cannot come?

The Jewish people left Egypt at high noon on 15 Nisan 3334 years ago, but Egypt did not leave us for a much longer period of time. At the Red Sea, we reacted like a nation of slaves, and throughout our sojourn in the wilderness, we exhibited a slave mentality – bemoaning our fate, and glamorizing and/or understating the travails of Egypt. We were told four days before the Exodus to take the deities of Egypt and to slaughter them on the 14th, in full sight of the Egyptians – to show our inner strength and our relief from Egyptian domination, to show that we have broken away from the psychological stranglehold they had on us. It did not completely succeed. We were ill-equipped for freedom, and understandably so. Slavery, persecution, dehumanization, and extermination take their toll on the psyche. Victims do not recover instantly or easily. It takes time to wean out of our system the lingering effects of maltreatment, and until then, victimization is comfortable. It becomes an excuse for every failure, every inaction, and sometimes for every misdeed.

We all marvel at Holocaust survivors who were left with nothing material, and were able to rebuild, and prosper, and overcome the torments they endured. But a steep price is still paid – sometimes for individuals, and even greater as a nation. Too many people who are beaten down become comfortable as victims and uncomfortable with power. For too long, we have competed in the arena of victimhood, and love even more the sympathy that is engendered by our suffering. There are plenty of Jews who are more comfortable with grief and mourning than with strength and the projection of power. Many proclaim at the seder “in every generation they come upon us to destroy us” as a badge of victimhood, and not as intended, in gratitude to G-d who has preserved us throughout history. We have built dozens of Holocaust memorials across the world, which certainly serve a purpose for us, but do not keep one Jew Jewish and certainly has done little to diminish the level of Jew-hatred in the world. We may think our victimhood is unique – and it is – but tell that to the Kurds or Armenians or Cambodians or Sudanese or Russians. These days, even Germans and Austrians claim to be victims of the Nazis. In this macabre competition, there are no winners.

The State of Israel was supposed to put an end to the glories of victimization – but it hasn’t entirely. The fact that the only innocent civilians in the world that are routinely targeted by random rockets are the Jews in Israel’s south – with little inclination to put a final end to it – only shows that victims talk it into themselves that victimhood is everlasting and unchangeable. The Iron Dome system, while a technological marvel that is mindboggling in its ingenuity and capacity, is the ultimate defensive system. Rather than disarm and permanently disable the shooter, it attempts to shoot a bullet out of the air with another bullet. Even if it succeeds most of the time – remarkable in itself – it fails as a stable strategy because the incoming rockets still require the ordinary citizen to cower in bomb shelters, lest a missile manage to sneak through. Thus, lives are still disrupted, children are still traumatized, and society is still terrorized. It is like a physician who treats the symptoms but not the disease.

It is hard to imagine another country putting up with similar attacks for as long as Israel has and is, because it is inconceivable. Ultimately, the hand of the shooter must be stayed, or the enemy will devise ways to defeat even the Iron Dome. And that will only energize the cult of victimization.

How are Moshiach and Eliyahu “elevated and revealed” at the seder? Not because they appear – they do not, and cannot, appear. But the seder begins with the original account of our victimization – “we were slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt”- but then we transcend it, celebrating “our redemption and the salvation of our souls,” our physical and spiritual liberation. That intends to point us away from bitterness and self-pity and towards redemption, gratitude, faith, independence, personal responsibility and the promises of the future. Moshiach and Eliyahu can only redeem a people that is proud and defiant – a people that are leaders not slaves, optimistic and not gloomy, self-confident and not timid. Moshiach and Eliyahu together reflect the zenith of our national life – and thus are “revealed” at the seder. We see ourselves not as victims anymore, but as G-d’s chosen people. We see ourselves as victims never again. That perception is itself redemption.

The joy and freedom that we experience on Pesach is the foretaste of the Messianic era, which calls to us out of the darkness and brings us into the light, that guides us from agony to happiness, from slavery to complete redemption, and to the moment when we will indeed greet Moshiach and Eliyahu in person, in the rebuilt Holy City of Yerushalayim, speedily and in our days.

“Hate Crimes” Hatred

I hate “hate crimes” with a passion, and I hate “hate crimes legislation” almost as much. The notion of increased penalties for thoughts and motivations, while politically correct and unpopular to oppose, runs afoul of traditional American values. In free countries, we are punished for what we do, not for what we think or feel.

The simple fact is that it should make no difference who the victim of a crime is or even what the motivation of the criminal was. A first-year law student knows that, contrary to the television crime shows, motive is never an element of the crime nor do the police or prosecution have to ascertain a motive in order to arrest, indict or convict. Certainly, the motive is interesting, tells the sordid tale more fully, and may have an impact on sentencing; but for guilt or innocence, we should be judged by behavior that is objectively apparent and not by inner thoughts and emotions that are either murky, or, worse, imputed to the alleged criminal because of the motivations of the political class.

And, yes, I apply the same standard to Jews as to anyone else. People should be prosecuted for their criminal acts, whether the targets are Jews, Christians, whites, blacks, heterosexuals, homosexuals, nice people or bad people. If pushed, I can certainly see a distinction between attacks on houses of worship and other buildings; houses of worship are symbols of particular faiths, much as the president is the symbol of the nation. But beyond that one exception (of which I am not altogether convinced), people are not symbols – people are people, and should be treated as people and not as representatives of any particular class.

Someone who attacks X should be prosecuted and convicted the same as if he attacks Y, even if X and Y are representatives of two different ethnic groups, classes, lifestyles, races, religions, et al. Otherwise, the fabric of American life is undermined (as it has been) by class divisions, special treatment, favoritism under the law, and, most importantly, the insidious struggle to claim the mantle of victimhood and become a member of one of the favored classes. In that macabre competition, most whites (whether Christians or Jews or heterosexuals) need not apply; they simply don’t qualify. Crimes against –these days – blacks, homosexuals, women, and Muslims (to name just a few) have a greater importance, apparently, then crimes against me or you. That concept eradicates the fundamental principle of American life – equality before the law – by making some lives worth more than others and similar crimes heinous or neutral, depending on the identity of the victim.

Two recent cases prove the absurdity of the position. The Rutgers tragedy that resulted in the suicide of a young student filmed in a compromising position drew its intensity from the accusation that the roommate – the invader of the victim’s privacy – was motivated by bias and hatred towards the particular grouping to which the victim belonged. But the evidence of such motivation – indeed, any motivation greater than voyeurism, immaturity and nastiness – was slim. Apparently, the prosecution unearthed an email or two that had pejorative language, but that was offset by many other statements of either tolerance or indifference. No matter; the die was cast and the rights of the victim – a member of one of the favored classes – had to be avenged, not only his death but the “hatred” that caused it. That seems a thin reed on which to find bias or base prosecutions, because, undoubtedly, bias would have been alleged even if no such email or statement had ever been uncovered. There is simply a presumption of prejudice whenever a victim hails from one of the protected classes. And go prove that you are not prejudiced.

The more recent tragedy in Sanford, Florida is typical of this genre. An unarmed black teenager was killed by a Hispanic neighborhood watch officer who thought the teen looked suspicious, was acting suspiciously, and fit the profile of perpetrators of recent criminal activity in the neighborhood.  The saddest aspect of this event, aside from the death, is what seems to be the obvious and disastrous misunderstanding that took place. The killer (who should have backed off) seemed to think that the victim was a potential criminal, while the black victim felt that he was being stalked by the Hispanic. Both felt endangered. It didn’t help when – and these facts are only emerging slowly and inconclusively – the two got into an altercation that left the Hispanic beaten and bloodied and the black man dead.

But for the tragedy and the enormous pain caused the family of the victim, the attempt to portray the killer as a “white” would amuse. The NY Times even called him a “white Hispanic,” a locution not ordinarily seen in the media, even though he looks like most Hispanics. But a Hispanic killing a black does not fit the narrative of “white racism” and so the facts had to be contorted to fit some acceptable narrative. Even with the publicity surrounding the case and the identity of the killer, the racial hucksters are still embracing the “hate crime” trope, because that is their stock in trade,  that is how they rile up the troops, and that is how they hope to have the killer incarcerated despite his claims (not implausible) of self-defense.

There is something ludicrous, beyond the limits of farce, in seeing the Reverend (ordination at age 4) Al Sharpton beating the “hate crimes” drums in this case – the same Al Sharpton who orchestrated the Tawana Brawley hoax and publicly accused white prosecutor Steven Pagones of the crime (!) without a shred of evidence, was found liable for libel – and never paid a nickel, not being gainfully employed by American standards (allegedly, the damages were paid by friends, but poor Pagones had his life ruined). Naturally, Sharpton never apologized but in the peculiar double standard that is spawned by the mindset that engender “hate crimes” legislation, Sharpton is exempt from his despicable conduct and has become a public celebrity. These days, to mention Brawley, Pagones and the case itself just indicates racism on the part of the questioner. In effect, Sharpton is exempted from the consequences of his prior false accusation because of the fear that he will lodge new, false accusations.

Thus the nation is distracted from the disturbing reality that, for sure, played a key role in the Florida teen’s death – the suspicion with which he was held because of the disproportionate percentage of crimes committed by young blacks. It is something that a Sharpton would deny but responsible black leaders – mostly conservatives – recognize. Approximately 50% of the incarcerated murderers in the United States are black, and most of their victims are black. Black-on-black crime in America is an epidemic – 95% of murdered blacks are murdered by other blacks, less than 5% by others, including whites – but those murders go unremarked in the media. It is the rare exception – white-on-black crime – that garners attention, even producing the distortion of conflating whites and Hispanics. It is hard to recall any of the professional racial hucksters denouncing the black homicide rate in the black community, or the decimation of the black family, or the astonishing number of young blacks in America in prison or on probation. There is no money, white guilt, or publicity in that.

Similarly, one would be hard pressed to recall when a black-on-white assault was prosecuted as a “hate crime.” Many murders of Jews – Yankel Rosenbaum’s stands out – that were obviously bias attacks were not prosecuted as such. There should be equal justice before the law – no special victims and no prosecution by the thought police. Crimes against all should be prosecuted, period. Crimes. Not intentions or motivations. Every person’s blood is equally red and his life is equally precious.