The Joy of Teshuva

(First published in the YU Lamdan)

Like many Jews of a certain era, I was reared on stories of the trepidations of the Yamim Noraim – how entire towns in Europe would be terrroized, how people would walk around in apprehension of the approaching Yom Hadin, how every Jew would spend copious amounts of time reckoning with his or her flaws and foibles, how the Baalei Mussar pounded into their adherents the anguish awaiting the unrepentant sinner and his community. I do not doubt the veracity of those accounts but I can state that I do not see it anymore. It is not only that times have changed.

Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur in different ways are both construed as festive days – Rosh Hashana as indicated by Nechemia (8:10) and Yom Kippur as the happiest day of the year (Masechet Taanit 26b). Rav Kook’s primary thesis in Orot Hateshuvah was that repentance is supposed to be joyous, not just the outcome of forgiveness but the entire process of repentance. For sure, this was a new idea, and dissented from the more doleful approach of the Baalei Musar. To Rav Kook’s mind, the teshuvah of joy spoke more closely to the hearts of a modern generation. If repentance is not joyful, something is wrong. How so?

Although repentance is a joyous experience in conception, sin or grappling with sin are not. That is why we omit tachanun on any happy occasion, for it doesn’t mention teshuvah at all but rather the wages of sin. “Merciful and Compassionate One, I sinned before you…Do not chastise me in Your anger…my couch melts because of my tears” (Cf. Tehillim, Chapter 6). There is not a word about repentance, only about the damage wrought by sin. Rav Kook wrote: (Orot Hateshuvah 14:7): “All sadness comes as a result of sin, and repentance illuminates the soul and transforms sadness into happiness.”

If happiness is the natural state of the being living in line with its essential nature, then sadness (meaning frustration, discontent, or unhappiness) can only beset a person because of too many actions, thoughts, or traits that are bad for the soul. When the light of repentance emerges, “the pipelines of pleasure and joy are opened.” To encapsulate this in one famous phrase (Orot Hateshuvah 15:6): “Repentance does not come to make one’s life bitter, but to make it sweeter, more pleasant, more true to itself.”

What is the source of this joy? Repentance is the act of renewal or re-creation. We become different people. We always love what is new, so changing one’s name, deeds, and even locale is all part of the joy of the soul in becoming a new creature. If we don’t actually change our names – and maybe we should! – we can feel born again by changing our deeds, habits, location, and routine and especially when it has us in a spiritual rut, celebrating complacency, mediocrity or worse.

For perfect repentance the soul has to maintain two contradictory forces: trepidation and anguish over sin, and confidence and joy over the good, for it is impossible that man should not find some good, even much good, in himself. But even the anguish is productive, a sign that man is healthy, that he knows something is wrong and needs rectification. That is a good thing.

Rav Kook (Ein Aya, Maaser Sheni) wrote that we always have to keep in mind the magnitude of our obligations to God – to do good, to be good and holy, and to perfect our character. But even though we know we are not perfect, and we are to act humbly and contritely before G-d,  “nonetheless these feelings of inferiority should not predominate so that it tramples on his serenity of soul, and robs him of his joy and happiness in life.”

That is the joy of repentance. It is not just the outcome that we are now “beloved, cherished, close to and a friend of God” (Rambam, Hilchot Teshuva 7:6) but in the process itself. It requires that we not just to focus on sin but to contemplate what we have done well.

Perhaps the joy of teshuvah can be internalized only when we realize that repentance is not just a return to God but is really a return to our true selves, to our souls before they were tarnished, to our personalities before the world of falsehood started to contort them. At the heart of that repentance is the recognition that we have tremendous powers and capabilities.

Reb Tzadok even wrote (Tzidkat Hatzadik 154) that just like a person has to believe in God, so too he has to believe in himself, to feel that he matters to God and does not toil or live in vain. We have to believe in our spiritual personalities. Even though we might (might?) sin and become repugnant, we still have the potential to become exalted and escape the shackles of our limitations.

So, too, Rav Chaim Shmulevitz emphasized (Sichot Mussar, 26) that a person who believes in himself can uncover powers and potential that hitherto he did not think he possessed.

All these forces – of simchat hanefesh‘ the joy of repentance, the creation of the new personality and the ability to see the good in ourselves – coalesce on Yom Kippur, the day the second set of luchot were given to us and the day the Bet Hamikdash was consecrated (Masechet Taanit 26b). On Yom Kippur,  we were given all the tools through which we serve God, and every year we celebrate those personal and national tools, and polish them anew.

May we use them well, and in the repentance of joy bring about the personal and national redemption of all Israel.

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2 responses to “The Joy of Teshuva

  1. Rabbi Avigdor Miller
    (a leading Orthodox Rabbi, born 1908 CE, died 2001 CE):

    “The Baal Teshuvah girls are the best.
    A Baal Teshuvah girl is a flaming idealist,
    she came in under her own power.”

    SOURCE: lecture by Rabbi Avigdor Miller titled “Career of Listening – Intent

    ************************
    Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski MD:

    “In the shul where I daven, there is a young man who is a recent Baalei Teshuvah Watching him daven, I am envious of the sincerity of his tefillah.”

    SOURCE: Dear Rabbi Dear Doctor (page 214) by Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski MD, year 2005 CE

    ************************
    Rabbi Francis Nataf, Executive Director
    of the David Cardozo Academy, 2009/1/26:

    “Moreover, by and large, Baalei Teshuvah have brought a sincerity and a seriousness to the Orthodox world, the positive impact of which cannot be denied.”

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  2. Rabbi Yitzy Winner of Congregation Israel of Kings Bay in Brooklyn, NY:

    “Obviously every Baal Teshuvah is a blessing to any community and brings it to a higher level.”

    SOURCE: The Jewish Connection, 2012/1/20, page 14
    ************************
    Rabbi Yitzchak Berkowitz of The Jerusalem Kollel:
    “…the Baal Teshuvah contribution to a communal Torah growth perspective is both immeasurable and undervalued.”

    SOURCE: Affirming the BT Growth Mission by Mark Frankel, 2013/1/15
    ************************
    Rabbi Larry Goldstein, commentary on Shemot, chapter 20, verse 5:

    The Torah is saying that G*D remembers the sins of the parents on the descendants. This means that if the parents were not observant and the children were observant, that G*D remembers the non-observance of the parents, and rewards the children in a greater fashion, due to the obstacles they had to overcome to become observant.

    SOURCE: Torah from Puerto Rico, page 53, by Rabbi Larry Goldstein, 2012 CE, 1st edit

    MICROBIOGRAPHY: Rabbi Larry Goldstein was born and raised in NYC. He was the Educational Director of the Young Israel of Fifth Avenue in NYC for several years.
    ************************
    Rabbi Lazer Brody of Breslov, 2014/2/21:

    “A Frum [FFB] can learn a lot from a Baalei Teshuvah
    its great to have a chevrusah with a Baalei Teshuvah and an FFB,
    because they learn from each other.
    …If we’re FFBs, we must learn from the BTs.”

    SOURCE: Parshat Vayakhel: Equal Opportunity Judaism by Rabbi Lazer Brody
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